sometimes the more you achieve/possess, the more you expect. and you will never be contented.

sometimes i wonder, if i had completely flunked the bloody PSLE and never got the chance to go to rgs and then rjc, i wouldnt be in this situation now. if i didnt get into rg, then i wouldnt have aimed to get into rj, then i might not have considered being a doctor, then i wouldnt even have thought about overseas studies, and i would be contented and happy. if i had never gone for uk interviews, then i wouldnt have opened myself up to that option. and then i would have no CHOICE but to stay in singapore. but now that i have a few options, it really complicates matters. it's really hard for me to decide what i REALLY want, cos honestly, i have no idea. i know i may sound like an asshole saying all these cos yes, it is a fact that i have been very blessed. there are people out there who dont even have the chance to do med at nus (or even study at nus) and here i am complaining that i have too many options. i should thank God that my parents can afford to send me through med school (if i get in anyway) here, but why am i bugged by the fact that they probably do not have the means to finance an overseas education while others can just pack their bags and leave? i just cant help it! it's how we work. or i work. we'll never be contented with what we have. we'll always envy others who can get to do the things which we might not get the chance to do. but who wouldnt want to have the chance to experience life outside of this..place?! i bet it'd be exciting. (but then again, all my friends/family/whatever else are here and i would be terribly homesick. and i can go on and on and on and on and on about the pros and cons of studying overseas...........)

anyway, the point is: sometimes i wish money was never an issue.

on a side note, i'm sick and tired of being a kiasu berger. doing things just because i'm scared of losing out. why cant they just leave me alone...?! buggers.