happy new year

it's the time of the year where we feel nostalgic all over again.

it's so funny how 10 years ago i wished so hard that time would fly by quickly so that i would grow up as soon as possible. now all i want is for time to slow down.

i feel as if i've aged and changed alot over the past year(s), even though i'm not even -gasp- 20! i think i've forgotten how to have fun without worrying about what others think. how to care, share and forgive. how to love. it's as if there's this numbness that washes over me as time goes by and i just cant be bothered to care anymore. i feel like i dont even know some of my friends, and it's probably because i never put in an effort to really get to know them in the firt place. somehow people seem more withdrawn, nobody dares to open up anymore; we've all become weary, we're all afraid of appearing vulnerable in front of those who matter. i dont know about you, but it becomes more difficult for me to really make friends and get to know them better as i grow older. i become more hostile, more guarded.

i said the yunnan trip was good. and one reason is because i felt so much at home with some of the people who were there. i may not have known them for a long time, but i feel less judged around them, and i know i can be silly and have fun without feeling like a total retard. as for those who i actually knew before the trip, i believe bonds were strengthened.

i once felt that our OG would go far. (and i still believe so, we just need more time. and less to worry about.) but i really dunno what to think of rapunzel. and i'm sure there are people who'll agree. it's like, we're close but not close. we can have as much fun as we want to together, but i dont think many of us would be comfortable sharing our deepest darkest secrets with (some of) these friends. maybe, just maybe, we need more time. we havent even got past half a year together.

BUT. it's a new year! and i should be glad for all my friends, close or otherwise. i shall make a conscious effort to meet up with those who really matter and cherish those who are around me now. i shall re-learn how to care and love and forgive and be silly and a total retard without giving a flying fruitcake about what others may think.

sometimes i wish i could turn back time. but no, i already have the memories. it is what i have now which matters, and i promise i'll work hard to build up (relatively) new friendships and keep old ones going strong. but for now, it'll be off to mini's for countdown with "friends i can be silly around".

happy new year, friends! :)