[ymw do you know that you're like FAMOUS now?! the whole world knows you got into cambridge med!!!!]

DID NOT SLACK AT HOME TODAY!!! finally. went to mt elizabeth with sara today for our attachment. quite an eye opener. the clinics there open at like 9 am and the doctors usually finish with their last patient at like, 4.30 pm!! goodness gracious. that's how early! but then, the doctors probably put in ALOT of hard work before all of this. uncle wilson was talking to me about why i want to be a doctor. and i realized that i have NO FREAKING IDEA. very disturbing. ok yeah there's the standard i want to save lives and be noble blah blah blah but i think half the people who do medicine are probably there cos of a)the financial benefits, b)it's a family thing or c)they have no freaking idea like me. (the other half cos they are really passionate about medicine.--good for them!) well when i was younger i really thought i was going to be a doctor when i grew up, thinking that i might find a cure for cancer or what. but then people started telling me how terrible the job actually is and all the other kind of shit. and if i really want to be a doctor, i have to be prepared for the heavy responsibilities that come along with it. i hate this man! why cant i just remain in jc all my life. and not have to bother about choosing what the hell i want to do with the rest of my life. i have never been a good decision maker and i dont want to make a decision which i'll regret! and i always do things which i end up regretting.

anyway, i stayed at the endocrine clinic and sara went to the dermatologist's clinic. it's only the first day, but er, an endocrinologist's job is not very exciting. :( but at least i learnt about diabetes and the various illnesses that come along with it.. and worked my brain a little. oh yes, there were alot of indonesian chinese too. cos they're having their holiday and so they all come at the same time. so i got lost half the time when they were speaking malay. and there was a girl who's probably my age who has a thyroid problem! it really freaks me out whenever i read about people my age who have diseases/illnesses/etc cos it could very well happen to me too..! and i really admire these people for their courage to pick themselves up again after being struck with some disease. i dont think i'll be able to smile and continue to live life like nothing has happened. and i am really afraid of dying cos there are so many things that i have not done. i'm a chicken i know.

well i hope thurs and fri will be more exciting cos sara got to see like FIVE laser surgeries today! and she says it's very very interesting. oh yay, something to look forward to :) meanwhile, i'll just spend my time thinking about WHY MEDICINE?!!! shall not worry too much, i'm sure God has a plan for me. (but then again, i cant just sit and wait for something to happen. argh!!!!)

on a side note, i've been seeing throngs of orientation people (i really miss school now.) on mrt trains and just hanging around places. and i realize that i'm not wearing my school uniform anymore and i feel old and sad that i have to pay like what, ADULT'S FARE for my train/bus rides. sheesh. time passes really quickly; it feels like orientation was just yesterday! and in the blink of an eye, i have hung out with ymw for 2 bloody years! i never knew that school meant so much to me. i guess it's just that i feel kind of weird and aimless now that i dont have any sort of schedule to stick to. and although i never hung out much with people in rj, i think i still prefer to see familiar faces around me. at least i didnt have to worry about getting a job or finding attachments to do. (or interviews. sheesh i have absolutely NO IDEA how the ucl and imperial interviews will be like. can anyone HELP ME?! but i'm very excited about going to london! i'm such a country bumpkin.) i think i'd prefer to study many subjects and keep my options open rather than decide on ONE PATH to take and then that's it man, i have to keep going even if i find out that i made a silly decision. back to square one: i just dont want to choose what to do in university. and with the rest of my life. omg i'm such a child.

off to sleep. goodnight!

irrelevant: beware of the MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. wallace and gromit is SO FUNNY.