happy new year

it's the time of the year where we feel nostalgic all over again.

it's so funny how 10 years ago i wished so hard that time would fly by quickly so that i would grow up as soon as possible. now all i want is for time to slow down.

i feel as if i've aged and changed alot over the past year(s), even though i'm not even -gasp- 20! i think i've forgotten how to have fun without worrying about what others think. how to care, share and forgive. how to love. it's as if there's this numbness that washes over me as time goes by and i just cant be bothered to care anymore. i feel like i dont even know some of my friends, and it's probably because i never put in an effort to really get to know them in the firt place. somehow people seem more withdrawn, nobody dares to open up anymore; we've all become weary, we're all afraid of appearing vulnerable in front of those who matter. i dont know about you, but it becomes more difficult for me to really make friends and get to know them better as i grow older. i become more hostile, more guarded.

i said the yunnan trip was good. and one reason is because i felt so much at home with some of the people who were there. i may not have known them for a long time, but i feel less judged around them, and i know i can be silly and have fun without feeling like a total retard. as for those who i actually knew before the trip, i believe bonds were strengthened.

i once felt that our OG would go far. (and i still believe so, we just need more time. and less to worry about.) but i really dunno what to think of rapunzel. and i'm sure there are people who'll agree. it's like, we're close but not close. we can have as much fun as we want to together, but i dont think many of us would be comfortable sharing our deepest darkest secrets with (some of) these friends. maybe, just maybe, we need more time. we havent even got past half a year together.

BUT. it's a new year! and i should be glad for all my friends, close or otherwise. i shall make a conscious effort to meet up with those who really matter and cherish those who are around me now. i shall re-learn how to care and love and forgive and be silly and a total retard without giving a flying fruitcake about what others may think.

sometimes i wish i could turn back time. but no, i already have the memories. it is what i have now which matters, and i promise i'll work hard to build up (relatively) new friendships and keep old ones going strong. but for now, it'll be off to mini's for countdown with "friends i can be silly around".

happy new year, friends! :)

yunnan 2006

back! it was quite an adventure, and although i didnt feel very much overwhelmed,(somehow not as much as the laos experience. and i cant figure out why) it was good. some of you probably have already heard about it; if i havent managed to catch you online (or on the phone or whatever) recently, ask me about it the next time you see me! (i really dont like typing out long stories on blogger)

meanwhile, memories :)



yunnan. beautiful beautiful scenery and kids.



the people. (not all though)



more people :)



i really like taking individual shots of people. so happyfying!



friends!

for the rest of the pictures, go here: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9AYtmTNu5bsIS

bag. is. bursting. not. enough. space. for. food.

leaving for yunnan in 1 days time! somehow i dont feel very prepared for all this, i hope things turn out fine. i'm both excited and not excited. hmm.

anyway, merry christmas to all you friends out there in advance! i'll be back on the 26th :)

bag. is. bursting. need to learn the art of packing light.


If Only - The Calling

What's the way of love?
Tell me your fiction
Tell me your lies
Say to me now, you'll never forget this night
I'm feeling emotionless
My head's so clear
My enemies aren't, the one I fear
You know your kiss confuses
This troubling soul
And I found out
That we're all breaking hearts
That we're all broken hearts

[CHORUS]
If only love could find us all
If only hearts didn't have to fall
We can't mislead to make things right
So instead we'll sleep alone tonight

What's the way of love?
You are thinking I'm crazy
But you're blushing of lust
I've heard a lot of nice things,
but tell me which ones I'm to trust?
These walls we made are glass
And they have been known to crack
But until then
You'll keep pushing my way
And I'll keep pushing you away

[CHORUS]

If you want to take a chance
And try to make things right
You better have a reason to be loved
We all want something more
And it is worth fighting for

[CHORUS]

And if somehow fate were in my hands
Would it be enough to understand
Why we feel lost in a world so small
If only love could find find us all

us in pretty dresses! the best part of being a rower i think. haha our boat is pretty international.
lucy is half-french, amy is all-english, charlotte is half-german, me from spore, constanze from germany (garmisch to be exact! i went skiing there!), emma from ottawa.

help i don't want to do essays....

some photos from the last week...

cindies! and i would walk 500miles and i would walk 500 hundred more...
i don't feel like dancing when the old joanna plays my heart could take a chance but my two feet can't find a way

friday night, fairbairns cocktails.... my rowing family. sister mum brother sister me. cool ah? our dad is a hockey player, second brother WAS a rower until he dislocated his shoulder. and the last brother. heh heh heh... uhhh haha prob doesn't fancy sports.

part of my crew...

jingles after. the infamous myosin head dance with charlotte!

this.

is how my table looks like now. CAs are over (!!!), i need to slack! i cant even be bothered to pack it already, although i really cant stand the mess. haha

i just listened to keane again after a long time. i like their songs, very haunting.

Bedshaped - Keane

Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of our old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped and legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know

I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And they don't understand the same things as you
But I do

Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped and legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know

something good happens everyday

yay! my tshirt arived in the post today! :)

yay! ymw is coming back TODAY!








one down, two more to go. yeah man.


on a side note, The Feeling rocks!

Strange - The Feeling

Don't you dig this life
They call the meek
You whose feet are on the ground
And if you get too high
What goes around comes around
And brings you down
Cause people gonna see you
How they wanna see you
People gonna rate you
People gonna hate you
People gonna shove you
People gonna love you
People gonna do whatever
Makes them feel they own you better

Cause everyone knows we're strange
So why do you feel ashamed
Baby
Everyone knows we're different
So why do you feel ashamed
We love you all the same

That's why
Cause if you feel it
And if you mean it
Don't apologize
And you'll be just fine
Cause all they ever need is what you'll give them
Is what you're given
They only put you down if you give them permission

charlotte's card is making me cry!

dear fellow beast,
i know you don't celebrate xmas, but have a fab holiday anyway! it's been really nice getting to know you and i look forward to seeing you again next term! have a good rest, don't work too hard and.... may the myosin head dance have a long and fulfilled life!
lots of love, you're a legend!
see you in the new year!
charlotte xxx

the end of term

so that's it. i'm going home in a day! term was really short but felt long strangely enough.

monday can't remember what happened
tuesday was awesomeee! went to christs for cookout. though we were so late we ended up slurping up the dregs of dinner. haha but good food! after that went to cindies- cheesiest club in cambridge. haha a lot of fun! cheese is good cos you can sing along to it :) have decided that i'm never happy until they play:

went to bed at like 5am. i can't remember what we were doing though. just talking i suppose. wed histology was a hoot as usual. i really love tom and rob (or rom and tob as charlotte calls them since they're never apart. hehe) they are soooooooo funny. and are incredibly nice. haha tom was like: do they have fat ppl in singapore? awwww it suddenly occured to me how much i'll miss my cambridge friends :( yayy and i'm expecting long distance christmas cards now! then we cooked char kway teow in the evening which was pretty authentic! except no HUMSSSS!! then watched kiss kiss bang bang. gotta love val kilmer! cracks me up all the time :) thursday was fairbairns! the last big race of term. 2.7km.... of sheer pain.
haha do we look fit or what! (sorry about the wording, the ppl who took the photo obviously don't want you kopping their stuff) actually wasn't as hard as i expected (which prob means i wasn't really putting in effort) was a bit disappointing that after the race, we didn't have like a good team talk to end the term etc. but i guess that was meant for fairbairns cocktails. we were the 22nd women's boat. a bit disappointing what with the recent clare win and all. but OH WELL. an overwhelming sense of freedom after that cos term has OFFICIALLY ended and that's the end of rowing. had the funnest time with that... will miss everyone!!!!!!!

friday morning somehow managed to get up after what... 5hours sleep? bleahhh. went to addenbrookes (hospital) for a clinical session. was very interesting! definitely worth gettting up in the morning for! then went for pizza hut buffet. that was soooo yummy at the start but made me feel positively ill at the end. then had rowing photo taking. i hope i look alright! haha for the sepia shot we did stupid actions in pairs so charlotte and i did the funniest /stupidest looking pose. heh during outings, my cox always called me beast at bow cos i used to take much too large strokes when steering the boat. everyone thinks it's hilarious and tob and rom keep calling me beast now. and charlotte has her own ridiculous myosin head dance (long story) so everyone made us do this stupid hands on head pose cos we're the beastly bow pair. hahahaha i sure hope we don't look too dumb in the photo. since we're all in pretty dresses with nicely blown dry hair and everything. christmas dinner after was horrid. food was gross.

note to self: pizza hut buffet+ gross dinner+ 7 glasses of wine= disaster

not a good dinner. fairbairns cocktails after that was really good. wrapping up the season- we are now officially seniors! but i'm not sure if i want to continue next term. ayeeee. everyone was completely smashed. i wasn't cos i was only just feeling better... only had one cocktail. wasted my 5quid. damn it. then jingles! (christmas bop) haha i bought reindeer horns and snowflake earrings. niceee and better than stupid santa hats. it was a lot of fun :) happy hugs all around. will miss everyone!! then went as usual to trailer of life to get chips... hung out in wv's room til 4ish talking, drifting in and out of sleep.... then went to help ben pack. finally went to sleep at 6 x_x. quite funny cos when i was walking back to my room the birds were chirping already.
got up at 12 and took jia for lunch at spoons. burger+coke = awesome :) did my marks shopping. hmmm gonna pack tonight. i'm still sleepy.

dont you think this song is so happy?

You to Me Are Everything - Real Thing

I would take the stars out of the sky for you
Stop the rain from falling if you asked me to.
I'd do anything for you
your wish is my command

I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand.
Words cannot express how much you mean to me.
There must be some other way to make you see.
If it takes my heart and soul
you know I'd pay the price.
Everything that I possess I'd gladly sacrifice.

Oh you to me are everything
The sweetest song that I could sing
Oh baby
Oh baby
To you I guess I'm just a clown
Who picks you up each time you're down
Oh baby
Oh baby
You give me just a taste of love
To build my hopes upon.
You know you've got the power girl
To keep me holding on.
So now you've got the best of me
Come on and take the rest of me
Oh baby

Though you're close to me
we seem so far apart.
Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart.
If it takes forever
girl then I'm prepared to wait.
The day you give your love to me won't be a day too late

Oh you to me are everything.
The sweetest song that I could sing.
Oh baby
Oh baby
To you I guess I'm just a clown
Who picks you up each time you're down
Oh baby
Oh baby
You give me just a taste of love
To build my hopes upon.
You know you've got the power girl
To keep me holding on.
So now you've got the best of me
Come on and take the rest of me
Oh baby